Friday, March 31, 2006

I am torn.....

because after years of looking and looking for a company where I can come in everyday and love what I am doing, love my co-workers and leave feeling really good about what I do, I have found it. Granted I was pissed when I got my review and felt slighted by the amount of money I received and no "real" title, therefore not feeling I really got the promotion I deserved. Now, this week I have really been thinking about this place in a different light. This thought process has been brought on by my "changed perspective" of the last week. I now live in a city I consider home, I no longer feel like " I am running" to find a place anymore, and I have a job I enjoy, and very good friends here.

I have a life here. A life that I love.

However, I am being considered for a job that would take me out of state alot, it would be a total departure from anything I have done before. I am waiting for the proposal from the software company to see what they offer me. Before they do offically offer me a position, I want to be prepared to make the "correct" decision. Too often I have made the decision that has short term results. My main motivator for taking that position would be the monetary compensation and the challenge to do something totally different. If they offer me more than what I am making here, I know I would run and sign right up for it. Do I want that? Is money always the best thing to chase after? Do I want to travel and be gone from "home". I was driving home last night, the sun was setting on the city, the sound was filled with ferry boats and cargo ships and the mountains were dark and beautiful as the sun was setting behind them and I thought how much I would miss having that drive, with my windows open and the sea air enveloping my car. Do I "run" like I am so good at. Do I chase after the next thing....normally I would say, yeah, go for it! Life is short, right? It is short, but what is that I want??

This is the hard part lately. What do I want.? Out of a relationship, from my job, what do I want for a career?

Right now, I love what I am doing. I now have a manager who is fun to work with, my co - workers who are fun. We laugh every day! Its not always easy, but what job is? My manager challenges me, makes look at things in a different light. I have grown a lot professionally in the last two months with her direction. Yesterday we were working on re vamping our site and we got to the staff page updates. We had some changes, so I was ready to just list myself as marketing coordinator, since I have not been given a "real" title by my GM. So, my manager says, "No, you are more than a coordinator, you have been managing the marketing, therefore you deserve the title. She leans over and types in "Marketing & Project Manager". I was happy and very surprised. She knows my frustration, and addressed it head on yesterday. She would like me to have faith in her that she is trying to work on the problems here and at the same time, she values what I am doing and have brought to this company, and wants me to stay here. Granted I know I could be making more money somewhere else, but she asked me what I really wanted to do. I have been thinking about that alot, since I have been offered this position at the software company. Is more money the answer? What to do? I thought this decision would be so so easy and it is hard, very hard. I have never felt an emotional pull to a place I have worked as much as I do here. The only place that came close, was LSC. But there the emotional tie came from being a student, not so much from the work experience, even though it was amazing working there.

Next week I will probably be presented with an actual job offer proposal from the software company to consider. When they do, I want to go into the decision making process really thinking about it and not making a knee jerk reaction decision. What to do.....so much to consider.

Your Heart Is An Empty Room

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start anew when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home there on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone


An amazingly good song from Death Cab and it seems very fitting right now to the mindset I currently have.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Craigslist!

Thank you Fred Placey! My good friend Fred, check out his blog, The Flog, linked on my blog, sent me this link to a video preview of the movie "24 Hours on Craigslist." As many know, I am a devoted, ok...ok, obsessed fan of Craigslist! Craig is a god! The man is brilliant for his simple idea, that has taken upon a life of its own! Long live Craig!!!

Now, here is the video:

A Good Day!


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Murderball
















Murderball. An excellent movie. Entertaining and it makes you think. One of the better movies I have seen. Very real, what more can I say, other than.....go rent it!

Dance like no one is watching...

I usually do! I had to post this, it was too funny not to share! Enjoy!



Hosted at YourSpaceNow.com

Monday, March 27, 2006

Crash Differently!

Here is the funniest video about a mac. I love them, but everything this guy says is true!

Enjoy!

Push it faster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you ever feel like you're on a merry go round ride in relation to life? This is how i have felt for a while...and the ride was making my stomach hurt. Then suddenly something happens, oh so small, that you are no longer sick. Instead, you throw your arms out and instead of holding on, wondering when you will fall on your head, you throw them up in the air and laugh your ass off and cant believe you have been missing so much while keeping your head down! No more hanging on and push it faster....!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Starbucks Sleeper


Yesterday, Tiffany and I met up in Edmonds for coffee. This guy had been sleeping for awhile, he was there when we arrived. One of the employees had come over and told him, he was not going to be able to sleep there. He ignored her. About 15/20 mins later, another employee came over and asked him, once again, nicely to pick up his stuff and leave, since was sleeping and had not and was not planning on buying anything. The sleeper was rude about it and basically from what I gathered, told them to fuck off he was staying and call the cops if they want him to leave.
About 5 minutes later, the cops showed up and after asking him about 5 times nicely to leave, the guy was getting rude, the cop had to call for back up. So three cops later, and having to lift him up to standing position, the guy finally left. When we left 10 minutes later, the guy was standing outside, I am sure waiting to go back inside. Out of fairness to both sides, the cops were extremely nice to him, as were the starbucks employees. The first starbucks employee told him if bought something he could stay. The cops offered to drive him the 10 miles into Seattle to one of the shelters. He refused. A sad situation. Funny to see a cop in Starbucks, removing a "customer" ..... so I had to take a picture. Gotta love your camera phone!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Spring is here....finally!


Spring has arrived, right on schedule, here in Seattle! Thankfully so, this is the first year since moving to Seattle, that winter got to me. It is still not as bad as winter in Vermont. When I bitch about the weather back there and its all better!

I took this picture out the front door of my apartment. The trees are budding out, by the end of the week, the street and all of the greenlake area will be awash in spring flowers and budded out trees, so exciting!

It has now only been 5 days of 35 and well, I dont know what has brought about the change in my perspective, but I am feeling really good about life now. Not everything is going as I hoped, but I am quickly realizing you can't control everything. You change what you dont like about your life, if you dont, then you have no room to bitch. There are things I want to change and I am thinking of the most effective way to do it. I have a tendency to be reactionary and then look back and think.....humm, I coulda, shoulda! I need to stop that. I want to just have fun and enjoy it, calm down and not rush everything. Part of my new perspective is some goal setting for the next 5 years. Those goals are:

  • Begin on some level, working for myself, get back into designing.
  • Skydive...was hoping to do it before the big 35, didnt happen.
  • Buy a house, hoping I can do this in the next two years.
  • Get my masters, in what, not sure yet. I am leaning towards my MBA.
  • Have a child, I am sick of waiting. This is will come after home ownership, so my child has a place to come home too as grow up in. I dont want to raise a child in an apt. How am I going to do this....who knows. But I dont care if I am with someone or not. I will be an excellent parent, and i am done waiting for someone else to get their head out their ass and decide what is or isnt important in life. So if I meet someone after I have a child, we come as a package deal.
  • Met someone who wants me for the long haul. I am a good guy and deserve love and respect at the same time! Relationships are not easy, but they can survive and be healthy.
  • Travel more. Before and after I have a child. I would love to take my child to far off places, so many places to see, better to learn about it while there, then from some book.

Thats it....all for now. Time to go out and enjoy the spring weather. I love Seattle, its home to me.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Goodbye 34......Hello 35!

For months I have been depressed about turning 35, probably due the fact it's a turning point. I am now as close to 40 as I was to 30. Then, this morning I awoke with a new perspective, I am very happy to be celebrating my 35th birthday. Another year of life I have had the opportunity to experience. Every year that goes by life seems to get better, I think its due to the new perspective I gain as I get older.

34 was good, but I am thinking 35 should be even better! Looking forward to it!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

going home...

In two months, I will be back in the northeast. I never thought I would be excited about returning to New England, but it has been two years since I was in Vermont. Even though I consider Seattle home now, I do miss what I had taken for granted for so long. Not enought to move back there, but enough to want to experience it for a short time. I really miss my friends, I cant wait to see them and just have some time to hang out with them. Also it will be nice to walk down a road without a thousand cars whizzing by, to visit Lyndon and walk around campus which is like a second home to me, and see all that has changed in the time I have been away. To take the time to sort through my stuff that has sat at my parents house for three years. Consign some things that I can never see making the trip west and package up other things to ship to myself. It is always interesting to return to your hometown after being away, you see everything in an entirely new light. For so long, I saw where I was from as an entrapment, a place I would never escape. Now that I have been gone for long enough, I realize it is due to the fact I didnt feel "at home" there. I felt like I had landed in the wrong place. All along I thought it was me, now I know, no, I just needed to find "that place" for me. I have found it. Will I be here forever? Maybe, maybe not. Life is short. So many places to see and go. In the past 10 years I have done things I would never have thought possible 10 years ago. Actually if someone had sat the "me of 10 years ago" down and told me what I would have happen in my life, I would never have believed them. David's death was the beginning of the end of my old life and the old me. If I had to trade in what I have to have him back, I would in a second. But I cant, therefore I am grateful that I didnt stay in my depressed state and instead motivated myself to change my life. Change I did. My life has been completely amazing in the past 9 years, completely amazing! It has hurt like hell on some days, but I am happy to be alive everyday. I have been depressed about this July coming up, instead I need to run toward it head-on. Everyday is a gift. July 5th, 1996 is the worst day on the calendar, but on that day I was able awoken to how much life there was out there to experience. Experience everything there is, every person is a lesson, a gift and run toward your fears and conquer them! What else can you do. For me there are things I need to do in order to move further forward. It's been 10 years and I need to release some of the hurt, sadness, bitterness, and hate I have carried. Time to let it all go. When I get back on the plane to return here to Seattle, my home, I need to leave many of those feelings in Vermont. Release myself from the demons. Forgive and move ahead. All I can do to continue on this amazing journey thru life and be truely happy.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Devil Duckie

What a week! Enough said!

a new level of working!

Since my employer has decided to be a dumbass and not utilize and recognize my talents, I now have soo sooo sooooo much more time to cruise the web. The web is getting better and better all the time. Like today, I spent some quality time surfing for one of my latest obsessions: Kelly Clarkson. I never paid attention to American Idol, I still don’t. When Kelly was first on the music scene her music sucked so bad, it made me want to get sick in the first toilet I encountered. But, wow...with her second album, I have become a self professed Kelly junkie. It helps that she is nice to look at as well. Today I did a Kelly Clarkson image search on Google and found a ton! Nice! Ahhhh.....working is great! Considering that everything I was tasked with doing, I finished way before lunch. Surfing time.....

Here is one of
my fav's of Kelly---->

Ok, now back to work....ugh............................................................................

change of plans for my life

I am working at the job, that until last friday I really enjoyed. But thanks to my general manager and his lack of vision, I am no longer excited about working here. Why? Because I was working very hard to make things happen here at work. I find new challenges exciting, I like to do things that make me think outside of the box. For the first time in a long time I was excited every day about coming to work. I had implimented a plan of action that saved our company a lot of money and kept an account, that had already fired us in house. My thanks...96 cents! big fucking deal! Excuse me, I saved an account that is worth a quarter of a million dollars, when NO ONE else was willing to take any responsibility and now, the customer is here and very happy, and all I get is a shitty 96 an hour raise. FUCK YOU! Then to make matters worse, its not even in this weeks paycheck! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW LONG AM I TOO WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????

So, I was considering staying here, to get the experience level that I need to move on. I probably will have to do that. But if I do, my level of work is going to decrease. Why work at such a high level, if there are no rewards?

Maybe its time to look somewhere else besides Seattle. Maybe my time here is up and I need to move on. So, I am considering a move to San Diego next winter, after my lease is up. This time will give me the chance to really evalute what I want.
Scott and Shawn are in San Diego as well as my friend Doug, it would be nice to have some friends from back home around. Who knows......we will see how I feel in a month or two......

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Mac Geeks unite!

Being a self proclaimed Mac Geek and a techno geek for a long long time...this cartoon was too damn funny to pass up! ENJOY!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Very interesting idea

Lately I have been thinking i want to do something more creative with my life and my day to day working, instead of being the corporate whore that I have been for so long !! Then I came across this website and was completely impressed. Its amazing how the web is now connecting people as well as becoming an outlet for creative expression. I love it! Check this out! I am also going to include this one on my links on the front page of my blog.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Check this out! NYC Subway art!

Very cool......NYC SUBWAY ART

Here are a couple of examples:

The run around!

So, I had my review where i work, and after working my ass off for the past two months and retaining business worth 1/2 million dollars, I only got a $1 an hour raise. Big fucking deal. Instead of a promotion I get a lateral move. Thats fine. Now I know where I stand here and no longer feel like I owe anything to this company. Actually I feel relief, I feel like I am justified in making some hard decisions about what I want to do with my life now. For the past year, I have been working very very hard to make ends meet. Now I know what I am making and can budget accordingly. I would love to cut and run from here for the next big thing, but instead I need to put together a plan for myself. I think I am done working for everyone else to "just make it"
I need to focus my energy's on something else......what that is, I will figure out. Its all a process.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

"chasing after you...falling even more in love with you"

Its amazing how one song can throw you completely back in time. I remember when this song was popular and everything I felt then, came rushing back to me. How life changes and you end up somewhere totally different than where you thought you would be. No regrets...well maybe a couple of small ones! ;-) One kiss would not have hurt anything.........

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Bush is a F*CKING MORON!

Here is yet, another example....

KATRINA ARTICLE

He needs to be removed from office. Lets see the war, the destruction from Katrina....anything else? What a moron.

sanddollar


sanddollar
Originally uploaded by lsc2seattle.
Photo of my prize sanddollar from Lenbetter Point, Washington. Posting from my new flickr account. Did it work?